After your loved one has passed away, it can be incredibly difficult for you to go back to their grave. After my fiancé passed away, I did return and it felt so strange. It was only a few weeks later, that the lockdown was put into place and unnecessary journeys were not permitted.
Vince is buried two hours away in such a beautiful setting that is perfect for him. So, to the Government me driving two hours alone was not a necessary journey to visit an outside grave.
For two months I had not been able to visit which really affected me because everything happened so suddenly after my fiancé was buried. I mentally reminded myself that Vince’s Body is buried there but his soul is not there and is floating around.
It came to mind that some people have relatives that are buried abroad and cannot visit their family members so I do show gratitude that I will be able to visit once this lockdown eases.
I found comfort knowing that the plants and silk flowers will still be blossoming and shining on his grave. I have found comfort during this difficult time to go and visit some of the places that Vince loved.
I wanted to express this with you, sometimes we feel bad that we cannot visit a loved one’s grave all the time due to whatever reason, but we must remember that they are always with us and things are sometimes out of our control.
Also, some people do not feel mentally ready to visit the grave after their loved one has been buried and that is ok as we are all different and everything takes time.
We grieve differently!
Some people do not find comfort in visiting a cemetery but find comfort in visiting places that the loved one loved and enjoyed going to.
I found comfort visiting Vince’s grave but due to the pandemic, I have found comfort visiting some of the places he loved and to the places that we created memories.
I have visited some of his favourite parks and I have visited this beautiful lake we used to live near hearing the water and seeing the ducks just struck back all the beautiful moments we had there during the summer months. It was honestly so beautiful.
Once the lockdown eases, I will need to return to his workplace to collect his belongings. These are the moments that I can imagine must be extremely strange as when you arrive, you expect to see that person there but sadly they won’t be. There are moments where it hits you more than others, just always ask for help or assistance from family or friends when you need it.
I just want you to feel comfortable with how you grieve, and you should not feel bad or be made to feel bad if you are not ready to visit the grave. The pain you feel knowing that the person you love is laying down there can be very overwhelming.
It may bring back all the vivid and painful flashbacks of the morning or day they passed away or the minutes before they took their last breath.
Visit the places when you feel ready to. I wish we all never had to visit a cemetery and I wish we never had to bury our loved ones.
Fly out to those countries that the person loved, the restaurants they loved or the parks they loved.
Remember your loved one the way you think fits best.
There is not a RIGHT or WRONG way.
Wishing you all a beautiful sunny weekend!